From "I Can't!" to "I'll Try!": A Parent's Guide to Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Your Preschooler

We’ve all been there. Your preschooler is concentrating intensely on a tower of blocks. They reach for one more, their hand wobbles, and… CRASH! The tower tumbles. The reaction is immediate: a frustrated cry, maybe a thrown block, and the declaration you’ve heard a hundred times: “I can’t do it!”

This moment, and countless others like it, is more than just a fleeting frustration. It’s a fork in the road. It’s an opportunity to help your child build a powerful tool that will serve them for the rest of their lives: a growth mindset.

What is a Growth Mindset, Anyway?

The concept, developed by psychologist Carol Dweck, is simple but profound.

• A fixed mindset is the belief that our abilities are set in stone. You’re either smart or you’re not. You’re either good at art or you’re not. When you fail, it’s a sign that you’ve hit your limit.

• A growth mindset is the belief that our abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Your brain is like a muscle—the more you use it and challenge it, the stronger it gets. Failure isn't a sign of inability; it's an opportunity to learn and grow.

For a preschooler, this is the difference between saying “I’m bad at puzzles” and “This puzzle is tricky, let me try a different piece.” Nurturing this mindset early on builds resilience, a love of learning, and the courage to face challenges. Here’s how you can start today.

1. Add One Magical Word: "Yet"

This is the simplest and most effective tool in your growth mindset toolkit. When your child says, “I can’t put on my shoes,” you can gently reframe it for them: “You can’t put on your shoes yet.”

The word "yet" transforms a statement of permanence into a statement of progress. It implies that ability is just a matter of time and practice.

• "I don't know how to write my name!" ... "You don't know how to write your name yet."

• "I can't zip my coat!" ... "You'll get it! You just haven't figured it out yet."

2. Praise the Process, Not the Person

As parents, our instinct is to praise our children’s achievements with phrases like "You're so smart!" or "You're a natural artist!" While well-intentioned, this kind of praise focuses on innate, fixed traits. It can make children afraid to try challenging things for fear of no longer seeming "smart."

Instead, praise their effort, their strategies, their focus, and their perseverance. Get specific about what you see them doing.

Instead of…. "You're so smart!"

Try this: "WOW! You worked so hard to figure that puzzle out! I saw you trying different pieces."

Instead of: "What a beautiful drawing! You're a great artist."

Try this: "Wow, I love all the bright colors you used. Tell me about what you drew."

By praising the process, you teach your child that their actions and strategies are what lead to success.

3. Talk About Their Brain Like a Muscle

Preschoolers are concrete thinkers. Make the idea of a growing brain tangible for them.

"Did you know that when you try hard things and make mistakes, your brain is actually growing? It’s like exercise! When we practice counting or try to build a really tall tower, we are making our brains stronger."

This helps them visualize effort as a positive, productive activity. It’s not just about getting the right answer; it’s about the "brain workout" they’re getting along the way.

4. Embrace Mistakes as Learning Tools

In a fixed mindset, mistakes are failures. In a growth mindset, they are information. When the block tower falls, resist the urge to immediately fix it or distract them. Instead, get curious.

• "Whoops, it fell! That’s okay, what can we learn from that?"

• "That was a great first try. What do you think would happen if we put the bigger blocks on the bottom this time?"

• "Mistakes are proof that you are trying! Our brains love mistakes because they help us learn."

When you react to mistakes with calm curiosity instead of disappointment, you give your child permission to try, fail, and try again without shame.

5. Model a Growth Mindset Yourself

Your child is always watching. The most powerful way to teach a growth mindset is to live it out loud. Let them see you struggle and persevere.

• When you're trying a new recipe: "Hmm, this is trickier than I thought. I'm going to read the directions again and try a different way."

• When you can't open a jar: "Argh, I can't get this open... yet! Let me find something to get a better grip."

• When you make a mistake: "Oh silly me, I put my shirt on inside out! That's okay, I can fix it."

By narrating your own process, you show them that learning and effort are a normal part of life for everyone, not just for kids.

Building a growth mindset isn't about a single conversation; it's about the small, everyday interactions that shape your child’s inner voice. By shifting your language and your perspective on challenges, you can help your little one move from "I can't" to "I can't yet"—and finally, to a confident and resilient "I can."