The Art of Sharing: How We Encourage Kindness at WELA (and How You Can at Home)
If you’ve ever been around two preschoolers and one highly-desired toy, you know the scene well. A happy playtime can dissolve into tears and a chorus of "Mine!" in a matter of seconds. As a parent, it can be frustrating and even a little embarrassing. You might think, "Why won't my child just share?"
First, let us reassure you: this is completely normal. In fact, it’s a sign of healthy development! Your child is just beginning to understand the concept of "self" and ownership. At WELA, we don't see these moments as misbehavior, but as powerful teaching opportunities.
Today, we want to talk more about how we approach the complex skill of sharing and offer some strategies you can use to nurture a spirit of generosity and kindness at home.
The Preschooler's Perspective on "Sharing"
To teach this skill effectively, we first have to understand what’s going on in a preschooler’s mind.
It Feels Permanent: A three-year-old’s brain is still developing its understanding of time. When we ask them to give up a toy right now, it can feel like they are losing it forever. The concept that they will get it back is still abstract.
They Are the Center of Their World: Preschoolers are naturally egocentric. They are just learning that other people have thoughts and feelings that are different from their own. They aren't trying to be unkind; they simply struggle to see the situation from another child's perspective.
With this in mind, our goal isn't to force immediate compliance. Instead, we aim to build the foundational skills for true generosity: empathy, problem-solving, and turn-taking.
From "Sharing" to "Turn-Taking"
In our classrooms, you’re less likely to hear a teacher say, "You need to share," and more likely to hear them guide the children through a process. We shift the focus from the vague concept of "sharing" to the concrete action of "turn-taking."
Here’s what that looks like:
We Use Clear, Neutral Language: Instead of demanding, we narrate and empower.
"It looks like Michael is still busy building with the blue blocks. You can ask him, 'Can I have a turn when you are finished?'"
We Introduce a Waiting System: For a very popular toy or activity, we might use a visual timer or even a simple "waiting list." This makes waiting concrete and fair. It reassures the child that their turn is coming.
We Model Empathy: We give children the words to express their big feelings and show them that we understand.
"I can see you feel frustrated that you have to wait. It’s hard to wait for something you really want to play with."
We Problem-Solve Together: Once feelings are validated, we can find a solution.
"While we wait for the paint easel, what's something else fun we could do? We could build with Magna-Tiles or read a book together!"
This approach respects the child who has the toy while teaching the waiting child patience and coping skills. Over time, this builds trust and a classroom culture where children know their play is respected and that taking turns is a normal, positive part of the day.
How You Can Practice the Art of Sharing at Home
You can support this learning by using a similar approach at home. Consistency between school and home is a powerful way to help these lessons stick!
Use a Timer: A kitchen timer or a phone timer is your best friend! It’s an impartial authority that clearly signals when a turn is over. "You get the train for five minutes, and when the timer beeps, it will be your sister's turn."
Acknowledge and Validate Feelings: Before jumping to a solution, connect with your child's feelings. "I know you love that doll. It's disappointing when your turn is over."
Protect "Special" Toys: It is perfectly okay for your child to have a few very special items (a beloved stuffed animal, a new birthday gift) that they don't have to share. This gives them a sense of control and makes them more willing to share other toys. Before a playdate, simply ask, "Are there any special toys you want to put away before your friend comes over?"
Practice When Things Are Calm: Play board games or card games as a family. These activities have turn-taking built right into the rules and provide fun, low-stakes practice.
Praise Generous Behavior: When you see it happen, catch them being kind! Instead of a generic "Good job," be specific. "It was so kind of you to offer your truck to your friend while he was waiting. Look how happy that made him!"
Learning to share is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a skill that will blossom over time with consistent, patient guidance. By working together, we can help our children build the foundation for a lifetime of kindness, empathy, and strong friendships.
